*Regardless of what you think of the following post, remember this: Clair and Cliff are the postmodern archetype of a good marriage. All of my relationship endeavors are more or less an attempt to emulate the good Dr. Hucstable and his charming wife. Of course there is the Theo problem, but that can be overlooked. And Denise… well, she was hot (she was in High Fidelity as Marie DeSalle…covering Pete Frampton's Baby I Love Your Ways… to which John Cusack incredulously exclaims to the doorman, "Is that Peter-fucking-Frampton?")
I find myself in a Valentines day sandwich of sorts: yesterday being the actual holiday which was more or less unobserved and tomorrow being the retroactive observance of an erstwhile February 14th. (The only thing more difficult for me than trying to understand/write that last sentence I just typed was trying to spell February. Thanks to all those literate people at Microsoft… no thanks to my 4th grade spelling teacher.) So being in a state of limbo, I'll write another post about Valentines day and love…
Ok, so… Promise rings. If you don't a) run in a predominantly Christian circle or b)hang out with many "misplaced affection" high-school types or c) watch enough Dawson's Creek, then you may have never heard of these dubious tokens of love. Simply put, they are a sort of pre-engagement ring, which basically means they are a pre-pre-wedding ring. Twice removed from a wedding ring. They are more or less a material euphemism that state, perhaps in not so many words, "Gee I really like you and think you're sorta pretty… Like, maybe I'm gonna propose at some point." Right…
Anyways, this being the case, I thought we'd take it a bit further. I've taken the liberty to create an elongated succession of rings which form a sort of relational stratification if you will. A hierarchy of signposts on the way to the ultimate destination: marriage.
TYPES OF RINGS (in a very particular order):
1)Wedding-I love you. You're everything. You're touch is worth a thousand deaths.
2)Engagement-We belong together. I love you, and can't imagine my life with anyone else.
3)Blogger-You are on my blogger account. This means you can post on my blog. My long time best friend Paul, who supplanted Corrie,just had a falling out in one of these relationships. These can be very hard and are a true sign of genuine intimacy and trust.
4)Promise-Yeah, you're cool. Maybe marriage? Hmmm... Well, I don't wanna loose you.
5)I might, like, love you.-I might, like, love you.
6)Your facebook picture is cute-Although you're not that cute.
7)I don't find you offensive.
8)I awknowledge your existence-Albeit begrudgingly.
9)Stay away from me-Really. Let's not turn this into a legal matter.
10)You're the bane of my existence-Bane with a capitol B.
11)The only chance of procreation you have with me is if there's a nuclear blast and the future of the species depends on us-And we're talking big nuclear blast, and subsequent deep freeze. Deep, deep nuclear freeze.
12)Screw the species-The survival of man is just not worth it.
1 comment:
oh yeah, who wrote the thing about the cukoo clock?
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