Lost At Sea

Just a warning... I just reread this post and wow, can we say 5 minute effort!! I'm a bit tired, and will try harder tomorrow...

The evening finds me lakeside in Conroe, just back from an invigorating walk to and from the lighthouse. It's actually this splendid lighthouse which, from what I am told, is the only one on the entire lake. Yesterday we did a bit of boating, but for the most part I've been filling the day with Kundera, bird watching, walks, and yes, frequent emails.

Today I actually felt like I was crawling out of my skin and ventured north in frantic search of a mocha latte and Barnes and Noble, but to no avail. Instead, I found myself in the ghastly town of New Waverly being stared at by pasty locals. From there I was off to Sam Houston National Forest, where I found this beautiful forest road deserted, which I took as invitation to test the maximum speed of my rugged Jeep Cherokee 92 Laredo (please don't faint all you young ladies out there!). Anyways, it was, ahem, anticlimactic.

I've been spending many hours observing the water; it's hard not to when you're surrounded by floor to ceiling windows. I noticed something interesting... When I walk close to the shore, the water seems so violent, eternally in flux, forever in search of rest. But as I walk away and glance back, it appears calm and peaceful, and I think life must be like this. Everything looks perfect from far away.

These days, and I'll be honest, are rather difficult and my heart, like the water, feels like it may never stop churning. But when I look back upon the past few months and what I've written, I feel a sense of calm. It evokes a feeling that these days are but small pieces of a bigger puzzle. And while I can't see what the puzzle finally becomes, I know it is because I'm simply to close. I need to step away and look at the pieces. Of course, there are so many pieces to fill in.

Obviously I'm a bit exhausted. Much is going on in my life right now and I'm in the midst of a decision that will alter the course of life as I know it. More on that later though. Things are unfolding to be sure. What they will become, I don't know.

I think the day to day continuity helps one to see the larger movement and pay less attention to each damned day in itself.
-C.S. Lewis, June 20, 1923 (All My Road Before Me)