Me: Well I can tell you’re thrilled to have me back! It feels good to be back in town.
Dawn: (Hesitates) Uh yeah… We really missed you.
Me: Was there an eternal flame lit to mark my absence? Or perhaps a candle light vigil at night to remember me?
Dawn: (Hesitates) Well, we lit matches after using the bathroom, if that counts.
I sigh heavily. I'll take what I can get.
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