The Really Real World, Limo-Drivers, Prank Wars and KY Jelly

More prank war pictures here

A wave of panic washes over me as I realize that I’ve missed the Real World auditions, which were held at a generally undisclosed location on campus today. My anxiety, held at a constant state of perpetual simmer is brought to full boil when it dawns upon me that I was sitting in class instead of ensuring six months of random drunken hook-ups, the obligatory bar fight, sleeping twelve hours a day, and if I’m really lucky, a stint on VH1’s the Surreal Life.

The reason I missed my shot at pseudo-celebrity status was my Tuesday morning Fine Arts class. Our teacher is this washed up Shakesperain-hack who thinks each lecture is some sort of diluted off-off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway performance. Nikki, Jessica and I shifted uncomfortably for the entire ninety minutes and I kept saying, “Oh my god” and “Somebody shoot me please”, each time trying to get him to hear me. Panic struck (again) and I grabbed for my backpack when I thought my cell phone was going off but I realized it was me just unconsciously whistling my own ring tone. He kept talking about not putting gum on the seats and I muttered, “Spare me Brutus.” This was followed by a hellish bus ride back to Bexar since our freakin limo driver was caught doing nose candy on labor day.

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Last night JP and I continued the prank war by ruining Amanda Morrison’s sports car. We were on our way to the store at about 2am to pick up some white shoe polish (with which I’d later write “Amanda Burchett 4-Ever”) when JP thought we should put vaseline on her door handles. I told him KY-Jelly might be even better.

A worried look came over JP’s face as he said, “Yeah Michael. Great idea. Two guys walking into the store at 2am and buying KY-Jelly.”