Bizzaro World: Smiling At Plane Crashes and Other Opposite Actions

In the words of Melody, “I’m employed?”

Sometimes it feels like I am living on a giant, steak shaped cookie sheet. The oppressive Texas heat is relentless, saturating, and patient. So the most fitting thing to do is find a job which couples the maximum amount of physical work with the maximum amount of sun exposure. A job that unites cleaning the cars of lazy people and a 110 degree heat index. That’s right; I’m working at the car wash.

I have somehow been employed to do the exact opposite of what I would normally do. In a perfect case of life imitating art I’ve entered the Seinfeldian Bizzaro World, a sphere of existence in which the decision which brings the most success is the exact opposite of what you would usually do. “If your usual action is always wrong, then the exact opposite must be right,” observes Jerry to the woebegone George Costanza, who is nervously wondering whether or not he should talk to an attractive woman at the coffee shop. In a moment of paradoxical inspiration, George marches right up to her, tosses the small remaining dignity he possesses over his shoulder, and proclaims, “My name is George. I’m unemployed and live with my parents.” And it works; the girl is smitten.

So the question is, Should I continue doing the opposite? Could I stand to wear a collared shirt? Are the Supertones my next favorite band? Would I be better off spend a good portion of the day in extroverted merriment, rather than introspective brooding? Would life without, horror of horrors, hair gel even be possible?