I would like to apologize in advance. This entry has been hi-jacked by none other than the notorious Daniel "The Monkullet" Reiter. If the writing is below par, please do not hold that against the great MW Rice. It is only out of the goodness of his heart that he allowed me to write this. Again, sorry.
The cool thing about PWFs is that the majority of the grade does not depend on your skill level -- at all. Attendance usually takes up 1/2 the grade, and the other 1/2 is the amount of effort you put forth. Easy? Not if you're Michael Rice.
After skipping all but two classes of Judo (taught by the amazing Dann Baker -- if there was one man capable of killing someone in a bar fight it is easily him) after Spring break, and considering that his final was two nights away, he decided it was time to learn some judo moves. So he asked me if I would review with him, and I gladly agreed. So we met at 6pm on Tuesday night. *Note: Our class begins at 7pm the same night.*
As we enter the Dojo (A gym w/ very dirty wrestling mats) I begin chatting with the assistant instructor, Les. While in the middle of our conversation, we hear the sound of water slopping across the gym floor. Les quickly looks up and says, "Did someone just pee on the floor?" Michael, with a look of guilt and nalgene in hand responds, "No, I was just fixing my hair." To be noticed in the middle of the ritualistic hair washing is extremely dishonorable. Members of the International Judo Federation have been expelled for lesser things. Fortunately for Michael, Les is somewhat an odd-ball himself. He has yet to achieve his Brown belt only because he cannot pass the written portion of the test (after 2,692.5 tries). Needless to say, he let the infraction slide.
After avoiding near disaster, I began teaching Michael eight weeks of material in an hour. Of course, since he was the one that needed practice, I became the practicing dummy. And as it turns out, two other students needed to review, so I received all sorts of punishment. Around the 5th or 6th throw, I had to teach my madulumblagatta how to breath all over again. Once I reacquired that knowledge, it was time for the three amigos to learn the chokes. Now the key to judo chokes is not to crush the trachea. Instead you cut off the blood flow to the brain. After a few seconds your opponent should pass out. After ten minutes of this, I was ready to curl up in the fetal position and sleep for a long, long time. Unfortunately, Michael still had to take the skills test. This meant me being the dummy for a second round.
Once the scores came back, Michael learned he made an 85, despite never showing up to class. The skills test saved him. In other words, I trained up Young Grasshopper very well. So if any of you faithful readers are scheduled for a Judo match, give me a call and YOU TOO CAN LEARN 8 WEEKS OF JUDO IN ONE HOUR!
Dan Reiter
512.408.7710
P.S. -- In my humble opinoin, Coach Baker is the coolest guy ever. If you can't decide on a PFW, take his judo or advanced karate class.
P.P.S.- My secretary's name is Rachael
3 comments:
DAN! I had NO idea what you were talking about earlier when you said something about writing a blog ON MY BLOG!
Good thing it was funny; I just read it to Nikkieee and Correy and they were cracking up at the part about water slopping on the ground...
Good show Dan :)
i just read this and think it's funnier the second time. you should've mentioned my frequent breaks and reverse hip throw I did on the written exam, on which I got a 13.5% OMG
Ah, sorry about the miss communication. I would never have intruded on your personal blog if had realized you were opposed to it. I stepped over my boundries to say the least. A thousand times over, sorry.
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