Isolationist-Pod

It is not essential that you are an ipod owner or have seen Garden Stateto read this post, but as Matthew Mcconaughey says in Dazed and Confused, "It would be a whole lot cooler if you did."

Putting the I Back in Isolationist: The Merits of Ubiquitous Individuality and Post Modern Communication Theory

So as you may or may not know, my ipod has once again crashed. The tagline, instead of 10,000 songs in your pocket, should read $400 worth of useless plastic in your pocket. Of course not all are so fickle, and I still swear by those things. (Insert dubious Apple endorsement here)

While I'm suffering from the hyper-stimulation withdraw and can no longer walk around pretending to be Zach Braff from Garden State, listening to the Shins, living life as imitation of art imitating artistic life, the worst part is I am now susseptible to (awkward, superficial, assinine, lame) social encounters. The best thing about the ipod is the clear and concise message delivered by that thin ultra white wire connecting your ears to your pocket*--that message, simply put, is get away from me. Indeed, it’s become the universal (read: spoiled college students) sign for don’t talk to/mess with/look at/come within 20 feet of me. It's post-modern anti-communication theory at its finest (yes, I made that term up).

But I’ve discovered something great!! You don’t actually need the ipod to attain the leper status. Rather, all it takes is the headphones. So for the last couple days I simply insert the ear phones and jam the unconnected other end of the wire into my pocket—no one knows the difference!

Simply insert wire into pocket of choice, proceed to raise your chin just a few notches, and strive for an air of conceited superiority with a dash of elitism. And if anyone does try to talk to you (and yes, amazingly, this does happen from time to time) simply say you're looking for your motorbike and side car and, perhaps as an afterthought, sing I think I'll go home and mull this over…

*Of course there are some sub-individuals who have the arm band holder, so the ultra thin ultra white wire (what a status symbol—everyone recognizes it-make way worthless peasants, there is an ipod owner coming through!!!) does not come from their pocket. But of course anyone who buys the armband is not recognized as human and thus won’t be talked to for reasons far beyond jamming to the ipod.

And if you have a Sony Mini Disc player…well, I’m not even going to dignify these people.