Woman of Your Dreams... In Aisle Four

Here, comes the cold
Break out the winter clothes,
And find a love,
To call your own
-St. Patrick's Day


So sang John Mayer in his sophomore release, Room For Squares. Although Johnny certainly has his faults (dry heaving into the microphone, ill advised falsetto, being too good looking and thus making me feel bad about myself) he is able to produce a lyrical gem from time to time. Actually, I consider his song writing to be top notch, but of course I once marveled at the lyrics to the opening song from Saved by the Bell, so therefore my professional criticism, is well, not all that professional.

(But we ALL can agree on the brilliance of the following lyrics:
Slide down low in my chair,
She won’t know that I’m there,
If I can hand it in tomorrow it’ll be alright!
It’s alright…
You get the idea. For those of you who don’t, man, you haven’t lived!)

I digress. Where were we? Oh yes. The adage set forth by Mr. Mayer. I was just musing over how great it would be if we were only able to acquire that love of our own as easy as it is to get the winter clothes. When I was young, I thought that everything I ever wanted could be found at either Wal-Mart or Toys ‘R Us. When in high school, it was Best Buy and Baskin Robbins. Now, I don’t know where to look. For the first time in my life, I'm without a superstore.

If only Wal-Mart sold things like honesty, girlfriends, morals, intelligence… How great would that be!? You walk up to the Wal-Mart employee…
Me: “Yes, I’d like a smart, funny, caring, 18-22 year old who is into music and puts me at ease. Do you have anything like that?”
Employee: “Unfortunately we sold out. But we might have some of the clever, intellectual, nature loving and really likes Jeeps and guitar girl in back. Would you like me to check?”
Me: “That would be lovely. Please.”

Or, if they sold virtue over the counter…
Me: “Hi there. I’m looking for a Protestant work ethic. I’ve been feeling a bit lethargic as of late. I must have come down with something.”
Pharmacist: “Indeed. We have it in chewable tablets.”
Me: “Do you happen to carry it in lotion form?”
Pharmacist: “Let’s see what we can find.”

I could keep this up for a while, but I must meet my friends for Wednesday lunch. It should be charming.



Until next time, I’ll be cruising the aisles at (Super) Wal-Mart just in case,
MW Rice

I just remembered that time at the market
You snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart
We rolled down, aisle five