Elizabeth, Amelia, and Delusions of Grandeur

There are some interesting surprises one encounters when making an abundance of solo road trips over the holidays. For some reason, and I imagine most of you would agree, I’m not exactly mentally or emotionally stable to be locked inside a 2,000 pound box of metal hurtling through time and space at over 120 feet per second.

In 1969 Elizabeth Kubler Ross offered her now famous theory detailing the steps of death and dying, which goes as follows:
1)Denial and Isolation
2)Anger
3)Bargaining
4)Depression
5)Acceptance

Her theory, although widely refuted, contributed greatly to thantalogical literature and social theory. But I find that it is quite applicable to my traveling process as well. However, as usual, I’d like to make a few, small amendments. In the space of six hours, as I drive on that bedeviling, at times infernal stretch of pavement otherwise known as I-10, the following stages take place:

1)Denial and Isolation
2)Anger
3)Reckless swerving and throwing spare change in all directions
4)Bargaining
5)Gay Robotic Cowboy Dance (don’t deny it-you were waiting for it!)
6)Depression
7)Acceptance
8)Firm belief it is the year 1932 and I’m Amelia Earhart making the first solo trek from New Orleans to Houston. Other ill-bred delusions of grandeur are common, most involving British royalty in some way, shape, or form.
9)Denial and Isolation

*After every step, look broodingly into mirror, check hair, adjust accordingly, and proceed to next step.